Posted in Other

An open letter to Dodie

I know this is something very different to what I normally post but I’ve wanted to do this for a while. I honestly don’t know where to start with this, there’s so much I want to be able to get across in this but I’m not very good at putting thoughts into words so I’m not sure how this will turn out but here goes. 

I found your YouTube channel in October 2015 I believe after seeing you in one of Evan’s videos and the most recent song on your channel was “Down” and that was where my love for you started. Hearing “Down” after a year long struggle with my own mental health really couldn’t have come at a better time, for the first time in a long time I felt like somebody understood how I was feeling and remember just crying my eyes out. To this day, almost 4 years later that song still hits me and I reserve it for when I’m feeling incredibly sad and need to cry, thankfully it’s been a while since I last listened to it. Since 2015 I have been to two of your concerts once in 2018 and once this year, they will forever remain 2 of the best days of my life, even though I don’t have a big group of friends to go with like some people and I usually end up dragging my family members with me, I still manage to feel so included when everyone is singing along, I really love the audience you have created and couldn’t be happier to have been a part of that.

As I already explained your songs have had a massive impact on me but the one that has had the biggest impact on my life is definitely “Secret for the mad” which is why I decided to get the lyric “It’ll all make sense again” tattooed onto my arm as a constant reminder that it will, in fact, be okay in the end. I’d hate to think how many times I’ve listened to this song whether that be on the way to school as I was thinking about quitting my A-levels because it was causing me to feel so bad or when I decided to drop out of uni for a year or even when I lost my job a few months ago it has always been there. I know these seem like small things and they are but that kind of ties in with the fact that although the things I just mentioned are kinda shitty I will never feel as low as I did the year before discovering your music. During that year (I was 14/15) I was really struggling with school it made me so anxious to even go in I hated the environment so much and coincidentally stayed at home in bed and never wanted to leave. It got to the point where I did actually start to think about suicide and ‘self harmed’ (I still use this term lightly as I don’t know how to classify it as it never felt that serious in comparison to what It could have been). That period of my life still terrifies me and I never want to go back to that and when I can feel myself slipping, both the fear and knowing that I came out of the other side before thanks to your songs will always manage to make me pull myself together. Therefore I will be forever grateful that I found you when I did and that you are able to serve as a constant reminder to not only me but many others that even though things are bad now they won’t always be. 

I have always felt guilty when it comes to discussing my mental health as I know what I feel is nothing in comparison to what some people have dealt with so I never really speak to anyone about these things/have never asked for help so your music way a way for me to silently deal with what I was feeling and having your words tattooed on me was something I knew I needed ever since I heard “Secret for the mad” over 2 years ago and I’m so happy I’ve finally done it. So thank you.

Chloe x

Author:

Hi! I'm Chloe An avid reader studying special needs and disability Hufflepuff, British, ISFJ

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